pirateygoodness

Ladyspam 2.20: Friendship Is Temporary, Exes Are For Eternity

DEAR EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T CURRENTLY WATCH LEGEND OF THE SEEKER. IF GIRLS MAKING OUT AND HAVING FEELINGS IS RELEVANT TO YOUR INTERESTS, RUN DO NOT WALK HERE. THANK ME LATER.

Previously: Uh, what happened to Ren, you guys. HE'S MAGIC AND ZEDD KILLED ALL HIS TEACHERS, WHAT DID THEY DO WITH HIM AFTER THAT.

Anyway.

Richard and Cara are in the woods, and Cara is getting ready to pounce on a Mord'Sith. THIS WILL BE A THEME. It turns out, the Mord'Sith is one of Cara's old ~friends. They 'served together' for many years, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Anyway. Dahlia is all COME HELP LORD RAHL and Cara's like UH PS ALREADY DOING THAT, I DON'T LIKE YOUR LORD RAHL and then it turns out there's actually a THIRD Lord Rahl, and it's Cara's son. I am making light, but honestly WATCHING THIS SCENE IS LIKE A PUNCH IN THE CHEST. Cara has sooooooo many feelings that she manages to express through nothing but the tiniest of eye movements and head tilts, while Kahlan looks like she just wants to drag her away and braid her hair and ask her more about babies.

This scene is also a little bit about how Cara doesn't want to process her feelings with her current girlfriend in front of her ex. I feel that, man.

They take a moment to ~decide if they trust~ Dahlia. Cara apparently plays with her hair when she's thinking, which is SO CUTE. HOW IS SHE THIS TOPPY AND STILL ADORABLE.

Anyway, Cara's pretty sure it's a trap. Richard and Kahlan like babies, so they tell Zedd and Cara to go find her son and meet them later. Cara looks absolutely horrified and I cannot tell if it's because she's stuck with Zedd or because she's still pretty sure it's a trap.

OHHHHH and then she looks over at Dahlia, with her feelings face on, and KAHLAN PETS HER ARM AND THEN HOLDS HER HAND, BECAUSE SHE'LL MISS HER GF WHILE THEY'RE APART.

Cara looks confused, because all of a sudden there are two fabulous ladies who want up in her business. And one of them might be a trap.

OH SO LATER, ZEDD IS SLEEPING AND CARA IS KEEPING WATCH AND DAHLIA ~CANNOT SLEEP. She and Cara have a conversation about Cara's loyalties, in which Cara is stoic and super hot and poses in ways that draw attention to her neck and the lower half of her face in a pleasing fashion.

Also Cara leans on stuff. And she like, knows how to lean.

Nnnngkhfdksjl;j and then the Plucky Acoustic Guitars Of Girlkissing begin to pluck, and Dahlia asks if Cara ~regrets going with her, and Cara gets all choked up and full of feelings. OH ALSO THERE'S GIRLKISSING.

(I apologize for all the white lines in this image, but I have shit to do today and I'm not fixing them.)

UNF and then Cara GRABS DAHLIA BY THE BUCKLE and pulls her in, because she is TOPPY AS HELL, and I cannot even discuss this anymore. IT'S ALMOST TOO GOOD. I CAN'T EXPRESS MYSELF IN REAL WORDS, WHY IS THIS SHOW CANCELLED, EVERYONE LOVES WHEN GIRLS MAKE OUT.

Which reminds me: if, for any reason, you do not like when two girls make out/feel that Cara is now "out of character"? Don't express yourself here. Express yourself far, far away from my LJ, if you must at all.

Meanwhile, Kahlan and Richard are alone in a cave, and suddenly now that Cara is gone I ship Kahlan with Richard again. FUNNY, THAT. Anyway, they talk about babies and each others' eyes, and it's tooooootally foreplay. There are straight makeouts, and Kahlan is SO CUTE but unfortunately my mind is still stuck on THAT TIME CARA HAD A MORD'SITH GIRLFRIEND AND IT WAS CANON, NO ACTUALLY THAT LEGIT HAPPENED.

Kahlan shuts Richard down, because of ~Powerful Magic~, but I love the way she phrases it - in terms of losing good judgement, rather than her INCREDIBLE GIRLBONER. Someday (and by someday I mean never) I will write meta about Kahlan's sexuality on the show, because it is fascinating and says things about the confessors as an entity that make me so, so sad.

OH ANYWAY. APPARENTLY CARA AND DAHLIA ~~HAD SEX ON A ROCK~~ PLAYED A VERY ENTHUSIASTIC GAME OF STRIP CHECKERS WHILE ZEDD SLEPT THREE FEET AWAY. Cara does up her belt, and manages to imply several very specific sex acts with the action ~~or possibly that's just me.~~ Dahlia tries to ~help her dress~ and Cara brushes her off.

And then they have an ideological conflict about which Lord Rahl is actually Lord Rahl. Dahlia looks crushed.

Cara ~tightens Dahlia's straps~ and tries to convince her to run away and be her girlfriend again. Except, in her ridiculous Cara way, where she manages to skirt the concept of emotions entirely and make it about tactics. But her eyes scream "and then we could find the Stone of Tears and SPOON and make Kahlan jealous and I'd braid your hair and we could have sex in EVERY PROVINCE IN THE MIDLANDS, ON ALL THE ROCKS."

I honestly have no idea why Dahlia refuses. Cara looks cranky.

And just, UNF. My favourite thing about this is that Cara reminds me of an ACTUAL QUEER PERSON, which - having watched a looooooot of November-and-May-sweeps girlkissing storylines - is actually not as easy to pull off as one would think. I am enjoying this so much.

Meanwhile, Kahlan and Richard discover that the Stone of Tears is in a valley populated by creepy hippies with crazy eyes who think that Richard and Kahlan are there to wait until the apocalypse is over and then REPOPULATE THE PLANET BY THEMSELVES. Oh also they're trapped there.

SO ANYWAY, BACK IN GAYTOWNE, Dahlia's story is totally a trap. CARA LOOKS SO SAD AND BETRAYED THOUGH, after she basically fights off like six Mord'Sith singlehandedly. Her eyes are full of fantasies about ~~threesomes~~ games of checkers with Kahlan and Dahlia that will never come true.

OHHHHH AND THEN CARA IS CHAINED TO THE CEILING. AND TORTURED. If you do not watch this sequence and feel simultaneous respect for Cara's badassery and a deep desire to give her a big, big hug, probably you're dead inside.

AND THEN DARKEN RAHL ADMITS TO KILLING CARA'S SON AND SHE JUST LOOKS AT HIM. THERE ARE SO MANY LAYERS OF FEELINGS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT.

Eventually, after many torturings, Dahlia takes over from Darken Rahl, and THIS HAPPENS AND IT'S TOTALLY EFFING HEARTBREAKING. Cara's voice is just - ugh it's so little and lost and she likes Dahlia so much, I want to write the entire story of their relationship from start to finish. They are so codependent and creepy but Cara's got feelings and it's absolutely, positively, devastating to watch.

Tabrett Bethell is so, so good this whole episode.

MORE TORTURE. Now, Cara is incredibly sassy and FANTASIZING ABOUT KAHLAN and also Zedd and Richard WHILE GETTING TORTURED.

So anyway, Darken Rahl decides that the only solution to her ~rebelliousness is to imbue an agiel with EXTRA TORTURE. Unfortunately that leads to THE FOLLOWING SHOTS, which highlight the unfortunate shape and dimensions of the agiels in the show. Even Dahlia looks uncomfortable.

ANYWAY, APPARENTLY IT'S A MAGIC MAGIC DILDO, AND IT'S REALLY SRS BUSINESS THAT'S GOING TO HURT CARA A LOT. Because the regular stuff just doesn't cut it for Cara.

Meanwhile Kahlan and Richard are still trapped in the valley of eternal whatever. Kahlan is like "Dude, I would enjoy seeing Cara and Zedd and my sister again sometime before eternity." Richard's all, "Look on the bright side! YOU CAN BE MY BABYMAMA. BABIES ARE THE BESTTTT."

Kahlan looks really tortured and her freckles are cute and well-lit.

SO ANYWAY OMG CARAAAAAAAAAA. She has been re-Mord'Sith-ed, and springs Zedd out of the temple and they RUN AWAY, to find Richard and Kahlan and the Stone of Tears. Cara looks hot while she does all of that.

And then she steals the Stone of Tears, and looks even HOTTER, so that honestly I cannot be mad.

Also, I don't really care about what's happening with the creepy hippies or the plot or whatever in these scenes, but Bridget Regan looks gorgeous.

OH SO ANYWAY, CARA'S BACK AT THE TEMPLE. WITH HER LADY FRIEND. She greets Dahlia at the door, Fred Flinstone-style, and then proceeds to DO THIS. Apparently it's Mord'Sith for "I'm home, honey, what's for dinner."

Ahem. Allow me to quote

fivewhatfive, who eloquently said, "I LIKE HOW DARKEN RAHL SPENT A FEW DAYS WITH RICHARD & CO AND CONVENIENTLY REALIZED THAT CARA'S WEAKNESS: PUSSY."

THIS IS PRETTY MUCH WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED. CARA HAS HER BEST LADY ON HER ARM AND SHE'S PRETTY JAZZED ABOUT SERVING WHATEVER LORD RAHL GETS HER LAID, AT THIS POINT.

NEXT WEEK ON LEGEND OF THE SEEKER: SERIOUSLY WTF THERE ARE LIKE EIGHTY DIFFERENT THINGS GOING ON IN THAT PROMO.